Day 127 on my journey: What is my purpose in life?

For years now I’ve read about how we create our own reality and I have always known it to be true, but there’s a difference between knowing something and actually experiencing it. You see, my goal in life is to be debt-free and prosperous and as you may know there are some issues blocking me.

This is what has happened in the last few days that is proof to me that I am the “cause” of what it going on in my life.

1. I got a digital camera. I visualized it and I bought it. I haven’t actually got it yet, but it’s on its way.

2. I attracted someone in my life who I believe can be of great help to me. Her name is Brenda Bentley and she’s a hypnotherapist. I listened to an interview Joan did with her and it took away most of the fear I have of hypnosis. I am ready to give hypnosis a try and I feel like Brenda is the ideal person to help me out.

3. I have, for some time now, wanted some changes in my marriage. I wished for my husband to be more affectionate and realized that in order for him to be like that towards me I have to be more affectionate towards myself. So I set the intention of taking better care of myself. I cut my hair and finally found some hair products that don’t dry out my hair and it looks great. And I was right, my husband is more affectionate and I’m very grateful for that.

4. I am still keeping track of my money and it’s going better and better every day.

5. I get an “allowance” every month and this month I got some more.

6. I have learned so much from Joan’s BYMM program, that I feel more secure. I feel like I’ll soon find my true purpose, because becoming debt-free and prosperous is part of my purpose. I have to be “doing” something in order to be debt-free and prosperous. That something should be of service to others.

I bought a blue candle today to start my ritual as suggested in month 5. The reason I choose a blue candle, is first of all because blue is my favorite color, but also because blue is the color of the throat chakra. I am pretty good at writing stuff, because I can take my time and think, but talking does not come that easy to me. I choke up a lot. I need a ritual to open up my throat chakra and allow my words to flow more fluently…

The Universe is on my side. It feels great!

Day 101 on my journey: I’m still confused!

Still no check, no guided meditation. I think I have to stop focussing on them. I am creating the want at the moment.

I am doing my best to be more aware of the thoughts I have through the day and I’ve been using my BSFF cue word a lot. I also listened to an extra audio I forgot to download in month one. It was very nice, but I didn’t get to listen to all of it. My MP3 player ran out of steam!

I also saw a video on Facebook. The person who did the video spoke about acknowledgments and demonstration. He suggested to start a demonstration journal. One thing I can already mention about demonstration (meaning synchronicity) is the fact that I keep running into notes or other sources of information about what I need more help with.

I am very grateful for that. It’s like the Universe approves of my journey and is doing it’s best to help me along. I did not expect any less than that.

I feel great about myself, because I was able to change my mood to a more positive one when I realized I had to wait another day or even longer to get my check…

I am so grateful for my husband. When I told him I was “broke”. He said: “Well you have the bankcard”. And I said; “But I don’t want to be taking out money and you don’t know” and he said; “As long as you’re ok”. I thought that was so sweet. So I withdrew some money.:-)

Just to clarify. My husband is in Nigeria at the moment. Normally I do not have the bank card…

I really am at a just enough level. I’m expecting my check, but have not yet decided what to do with the extra money. Who knows that might also be a reason I have not yet received that extra money…

Decisions, decisions!

Day 75 on my journey: I’ve stopped resisting…!

Ok, so I went to pick up my fixed MP3 player. Turns out they couldn’t fix it so they gave me a new one. And I’m sure you guessed it… yep this one didn’t work either. I never even got a chance to use it, because it won’t start up.

Anyway I’ll take it back and see what happens. I don’t think I’ll ever get my money back. I think this is a lesson from the Universe not to be buying cheap stuff.

Next time I’ll just have to be patient and save up to buy something more expensive, with better guarantee and quality.

More to come…

Day 71 on my journey: Turned disappointment into gratitude…!

On this day I received the information about BSFF from Larry. He must have read my earlier post. I have not been able to read everything yet, but I feel really grateful he send me this new information. I’ve already read about a way to “bypass” your conscious mind. I’ll have to block some time tomorrow to study the material. As soon as I have the money I’ll buy the BSFF DVD. I’m sure that’ll be helpful as well. I’m going to add a link to the BSFF website on the side as well.

So that was one “disappointment” I turned into gratitude.

On this day I again became aware of how this disappointment habit works. Every year for Christmas we get something from our boss. One year I got a nice check. Another year they gave me a gift bag. So I was expected something along those lines.

Well I am now the proud owner of a BIG black bag! That’s it…

At first I have to admit I was disappointed (:-))… but then I remembered what Jeanie said about changing your feelings and I decided to feel grateful. I also remembered that I wanted a black bag. I had been looking around but couldn’t find one.

So I feel grateful for finally getting a quality (looks like it) black bag.

The Universe works in mysterious ways… I just forgot to mention I wanted an average sized bag…:_)

PS: In case you’re reading this Larry thanks again for taking the time to send me the information. I really appreciate

Day 43 on my journey: Stop resisting!

On this day I read a story written by a member of the facebook group “Hurricane of Gratitude”. It’s a great group. People share what they’re grateful for, among other things, but for the last few weeks the founder has asked us to make a video or in any other way, share our world, our passions with the other members.

So, one of the members did a “wideo” (a video, but with words). The message she gave us was inspired by something she saw. Every day on her walk with her dog she gets to the top of a hill and sees birds. On this one day she saw a hawk. Normally they glide through the air effortlessly, but on this day the hawk was trying to stay in one spot. You could tell that it was costing a lot of energy and it was definitely not easy.

The same thing goes for us. When we resist life, it saps our energy. You feel tired and depressed, but when you just go with the flow and accept what is, as just what is, life is so much easier.

I hope to finally feel that God or the Universe or whatever force out there taking care of life, is taking care of me. That no matter what, I am loved.

I am loved now!

Day 38 on my journey: Is the Universe trying to tell me something?

I had another flat tire this morning. Exactly two weeks ago on my daughter’s first birthday some crazy guy puctured two of my tires and this morning a Kuwaiti lady tried to squeeze me of the road and in the process I got a flat left front tire.

I can’t remember how many times now I have had to change tires.

Now, I once read this book called:”The body is the barometer of the soul” by Annette Noontil. The book was okay, but a bit hard to understand for me. One of the things that stuck with me is the fact that she not only writes about ailments being a reflection of your inner world, but that the condition of you car does the same.

So I looked up what flat tires mean and this is what it says:

Tires-Flat
Left front:
A fear has stopped you being in charge of your Spiritual direction.

And since I also had a flat right rear tire (the guy punctured that one before) this is what it says:

Right rear:
Not putting any enthusiasm into your Physical direction because you are not wanting to do it.

I’m sorry but I have trouble understanding what it says, probably because these are my problems and I am not ready to “see” them yet.

The one about the Physical direction I kind of get. I should be exercising, but I am not. I have been wanting to do yoga, but just haven’t. So I guess it’s right, I don’t want to.

The one about the Spiritual direction might be about the fact that I want to meditate, but just can’t seem to get into a rythm. I do remember being afraid of the “spiritual” world, as in ghosts and spirits… watching “Charmed” doesn’t help…:-)

I’ve had a few experiences of finding “myself” “out of my body”. These experiences taught me that there is more to life than the physical, but I just cannot get a grip on where I want to go in life.

Of course I want to get debt free and have a prosperous life, but what for? What am I doing with my life?

I really feel “held back” from “being me”. My husband doesn’t support my personal development. He says he believes in God, but doesn’t really “do” anything with it. He seems to believe that the only way he can make money is by working hard and that there is not enough, so he needs to save as much as he can. I guess he is at the opposite side. I overspend because I feel there is not enough, to sustain that feeling and for him he will never feel like he has enough, no matter how much we have in savings.

I only have people online that are kind of like minded. I guess, bottom line, I feel alone.

As I am writing this, I realize why I am not yet debt free. Even after all the networking I have “tried” to do I still feel alone.

I once heard during a meditation session I really “tried”, that I had to be patient. How much longer do I have to wait?

Every time I am about to make a big leap forward I get like this, so I hope this is another introduction into a “better” me…

Help me keep my fingers crossed!

I just realized that I am having trouble with my windscreen wipers. They just start wiping without me turning them on and just stop when they want to.

I looked up “windscreen wipers” in the book and this is what it says:

“Not being able to see what direction you need to go.”

Right on!!! The Universe is trying to tell me something!!!

Day 25 on my journey: I didn’t think it could get any worse!

Day 24 was a day I will never forget, although I wouldn’t mind if I did. Like I said, a crazy guy punctiored two of my tires and then attacked me. I’m fine and I feel great for being as strong as I was handling every thing.

So on day 25 I was with the police most of the morning. I think I told the story over 5 times. The final draft of my statement was in Arabic, so I have no idea whether the officer understood everything I said and noted it down correctly. He said we had to trust him. Not easy after another Arabic man attacks you, but what can I do. I think I saw the “suspect” about four times. They kept asking me whether he was the one that attacked me. The fact that this guy kept lying about what happened, made me stop feeling sorry for him, because believe it or not I felt sorry. He is living out on the streets and probably just desperate, but I don’t like people lying. Maybe because I am an honest person, I expect that from others and hardly question people’s integrity.

If not for anything else I have learned to be less trusting, but I am still me. I will still be nice to people, because I really want to do that, not to please them, but just to be nice. I will not let some *&%* guy mess that up for me.

I really feel like the Universe was testing my progress, because when I left the police to go pick up my girls from school, I was already late. I then got into a terrible traffic jam and finally picked up the girls two hours late. Normally I would have gotten really anxious, because I just hate being late, but I was surprisingly calm. I only lost it once and just pleaded and said I had enough, I asked how much calmer I had to be…:-) And the traffic started moving… I was so grateful and amazed.

We really do create our reality and I see proof of this almost every day. It is our choice to what we create, by what we focus on. I am of course focusing on getting my debt free prosperous living…

There was one nice thing that happened, I got payed for the extra work I’m doing in the mornings… YES! I am really grateful for that as well.

I’m sure there will be a lot more tests on my journey, but I am more than confident that I will be able to handle them…

Day 22 on my journey: I have everything I need…

As I was trying to decide on what to write, it occured to me that I have every thing I need, right now… and that’s all that matters.

At the moment I really feel like the Universe is taking care of me. I feel so much more confident. For example I was able to talk to my husband about something I would normally get upset about and probably start crying, but I felt good. I didn’t get upset and I could express my feelings. This is a big thing for me.

I am so grateful to be able to see that change. I also feel like my wishes are granted a lot faster. For example, and this is maybe something really small, but a few days ago I thought that it would be nice to get a new air freshener for my car. I forgot about it, but I think it was two days later, my husband put a new one in my car. I didn’t have to buy one, it was just there… the Universe is just the greatest…

I have been so busy trying to get my other website redesigned that I haven’t spend a lot of time networking. This coming week I also need to start studying the last part of my graphics and design course. I’ll be so glad when that’s over… due to my third pregnancy I wasn’t able to finish it, so now after two years I still don’t have my certificate, but I’m on it…

I just realized that I like designing stuff. I really hope to pursue that and actually start getting payed for it. I know there’s a lot of competition, but I only need a few clients… it’s time consuming work… but I enjoy it…

Anyway enough rambling… I just saw that there was another teleclass today… I’ll have to listen to it tomorrow…

That’s it for today…