Day 130 on my journey: I got “Zapped”!!!

Last night Joan zapped us on the teleclass. Zapped? Yep! She did some energy work on us and it felt great. I downloaded the audio and will be doing it again so it can sink in!

I could feel the energy. It was nice and warm. She asked us to release something that we wanted to let go off and make the sound that went with the feelings. I couldn’t really do that, because my husband was in the room with me.:-( And to be honest I did not have a clue what sound to make. I feel like my throat is stuck or something. I can’t let go.

I’ll just have to try it a few more times and see what happens. Although this experience has made me realize how much I isolate myself. I didn’t really feel part of the group. This is my biggest block I think. To get out of my isolation and feel part of something.

I do feel closer to my husband which is really great and I’ve noticed that I don’t feel like spending as much as I used to, even though I have some money in my wallet.

I even put some money aside this month. A major breakthrough!

Day 124 on my journey: Some great news!

I finally did it. I got myself a new digital camera!!! For those of you who don’t understand the excitement, let me explain.

For years now I’ve been “wanting” a digital camera. I mean I had one, a cheap one and it broke! And I could use my mobile, but I want quality, so I got myself an Olympus Mju 1040 Melon Yellow (yep it’s yellow!). It’s 10 megapixels and I also ordered 2GB extra memory and a camera bag.

What is even more exciting is the way it all happened. I manifested it and I think I did a great job!

I feel like I listened to my intuition, because I ended up spending less than I thought I would, I waited a bit and really asked myself whether to buy the one I wanted to buy at first. I found this one, that’s better than the one I wanted to buy and cheaper on this website with really good deals, but I got the memory card and camera bag from somewhere else because they were cheaper there.

I don’t have it yet. I ordered it from the Netherlands and my mom will be taking it with her when she comes to visit. I’ve waited so long I can wait another week and a half.

Isn’t this great news? Now don’t get me wrong. The main thing I’m excited about is the fact that I was able to use visualization combined with feelings to get this camera. I used to think it was impossible. To expensive, my husband wouldn’t approve, etc, etc…

Now I have proof that I can manifest whatever I like.

I am still focusing on sessions with Joan and I have a good feeling about that. I am not in a hurry. I just know that the best solution for my challenges will present itself. I am ready and waiting!

Day 121 on my journey: Need to get out there again…!

Believe it or not, I got my check for January, went to the bank to cash it and there was something wrong with it.

Because I was expecting the money, I basically spend all the money I had. I was upset, but I can’t really explain the emotion(s) I was feeling.

Anyway I found a solution. I drove home and my husband was still there. He was trying to fix our washing machine. So I asked/told him I was going to take some money out of our account and replace it later. He just shrugged his shoulders and said it was ok.

I was amazed. I was prepared to beg…:-) I mean I felt like he would give me a hard time. Things are really changing and that’s really wonderful.

So I gave back the check to have it “fixed” and we’ll see when I get it back.

Now this is my theory behind all this. I am at a just enough level. So me running out of money and then getting enough for the rest of the month fairly quick is “normal”.

But I want to get to a state were I will have enough money all the time. Or at least feel like I do. Another explanation is that I haven’t been on Facebook and Twitter as often as I used to, so I’m isolating myself.

I know it may sound strange, but connecting to others really helps.

What I’ve been doing lately is staying in the moment. I’ll ask myself “Do I have everything I need right now?” and my answer is always yes. I may not have everything I want, but that is less important.

On this day I listened to last weeks BYMM teleclass. It was just awesome. Joan spoke about how the feeling of aloneness is past on generation on generation and that it goes really deep.

I know I have issues with aloneness and I’ve done some BSFF on it, but I haven’t allowed myself to really feel it yet. I really wonder whether I could.

Joan gave some tips on getting in touch with your feelings in order to release them.

Now all I need is a free hour to get it done… wish me luck!

Day 120 on my journey: I’m almost there…!

Like I said before my husband agreed I could get my full salary in my own account. The last few days we’ve had some heated discussions about how we should spend our money.

I understand his side of the story and I wish he would understand mine. Slowly but surely I feel that he’ll agree to me having some sessions with Joan. I really want him to agree to that because I do not want any arguing about how much that is going to cost.

I think I was able to get him to understand that I am a grown woman who needs to have some control over her own money, if not full control. He wants us to do everything together, but he is always the one with the final say about what happens to our money. This is frustrating to me, because I hate being late to pay for our bills and he doesn’t really care.

End of the day we are behind on one of our bills for months and I just can’t seem to get it through to him that it’s important to pay your bills. Although after our talks he seems more open to my point of view.

Our main problem is that he is focused more on the future and I look more into what we need now. We have not been able to get a balance.

He’s afraid I’ll misuse our money and I’m afraid he’ll loose it all in his endeavors to make more money for the future.

Anyway I am this close (holding my fingers really close together) to getting my sessions with Joan.

I really need her to take me under her wings and help me overcome my fears, build my business and marketing skills, because I do want to be in business for myself and even though I am smart enough I feel I lack the determination and ability to sell anything…

Joan here I come…:-)

Day 116 on my journey: It’s a miracle…!

I was in owe this morning. My husband suggested, HIMSELF, that my salary should be payed into my account so I can access my “allowance” and I won’t have to wait for my check anymore. I told him I was broke and he gave me some money. He said something about paying him back, but we’ll see about that. I probably will… that’s just me!

I see this as a major accomplishment and a miracle. He has always been against me having access to my own money, because I think he thinks I’ll spend it all. I think I’ve proven to him that he doesn’t have to be scared of that. When he was gone for a few weeks and gave me the bank card, he was surprised to still find as much money in the bank as there was.

He was probably afraid it would all be gone…:-)

The best thing is that I didn’t even have to ask. All I did was visualize a few times that my husband is willing to let me have my money in my account. The next step is to visualize that I have full control over it.

He has not yet said what he wants me to do with the rest of the money every month, but I feel optimistic about that. It’s amazing to me! This visualizing works.

First the digital camera (I still need to order it by the way) and now this. Next is coaching sessions with Joan. I’m sure those are going to be very helpful.

I now have access to month 5 of the BYMM program. This month is about activating the creative inner child and asking for money. Oh and I am also going to learn how to “act as if” and work on getting my project for month 4 done. I had three projects for month 4 and I already got two of them mostly done, so I consider that just the best thing ever… I could get the hang of this…

Ask and you shall receive… visualize and you create…

Oh I just realize, what’s even better? The results of my visualization are better than I expected. I didn’t have to ask to have my own money in my own account. WooHoo!

Day 113 on my journey: An important financial decission to make…

Starting next week I’m going to work an extra hour every day… more money! Nice huh?!

It’s great of course, but with this extra money comes the question of what to do with it. What will most likely happen and I hope it won’t is that the money will go into my husband’s account.

A co-worker told me that I should be stronger in dealing with this with my husband. That the money I make is mine and that I should be getting it and deciding with to do with it, instead of it going into his account. I have tried to talk to my husband about this in the past and he was not willing to listen to me.

Now here is what I want. I know the Universe is listening so I’ll be as specific as possible.

I am willing to “give” my husband 300KD every month and keep the rest. The rest will be about 200KD. It depends on how many hours I really work. Anything can happen.
I want to save some of this money and spend the rest on getting ready to start my own business. I need to learn so much about having a business. I need business- and marketing skills for sure.

At the moment I am just not confident enough I could make it in business. I would really like to have my own way of making money, but I am realistic enough to know that with my current mindset I wouldn’t succeed.

Now this may sound negative. I prefer to call it: Being Real!

First off all I need to really decide on what it is I would like to do. We spend all this money on me getting my graphics and design diploma, so I feel I have to do something with it.

I believe I need coaching. Someone outside myself who can take an objective look at my situation and give me some advice.

So the extra money I would definitely spend on some coaching sessions with Joan Sotkin and/or with Jeanie Marshall. I admire both these women for their hard work and marketing abilities. I could learn a lot from them.

It is time to accept that there is only so much I can do by myself. I really want to do something with my life, instead of just working for someone else.

But like I said I need to get ready… I need to prepare…

Day 111 on my journey: Loving my new healing stone!

I love the stone Joan send me. Today I felt a bit tired after lunch so I sat down and held the stone for a few minutes. I felt so much better in just a few minutes. Amazing!

I left a message in our Google group to let the others know how great the stone is. I love just holding it and it has a really cute little gold colored bag. I’ll try to remember to take a picture.

I feel like slowly but surely I am directed towards a more organized and fulfilling life. I say this because I am getting messages left and right about things like getting rid of clutter and how to market your business.

I’m so proud of myself for not giving up. Although at the moment studying for my CIW exams is taking up a bit of my time and working as well.

I’m still writing posts for this blog, which in itself is amazing… well done!

Oh and remember the first positive habit I want to instill: writing down 3 most important tasks every morning? I have been doing that and feeling proud about that as well.

Day 110 on my journey: I am so grateful…!

I am on my way to getting a new digital camera… I am so grateful. After all this time desiring one, it seems like I’ve got the money and that it’s only a matter of time for me to get one.

I’m happy, but there’s a but. I was able to convince my husband that I needed this camera to make money. I told him that I could use it to make pictures and sell them online. Which is true, but (here’s where I’m being honest with myself) I’m not sure whether I’ll be able to do that.

I listened to a Joan’s radio show (there’s a link on the right to her blogtalkradioshow). She interviewed Valerie Young today. Valerie is an expert on helping people change careers. She trains people to help people find ways to make money, outside of the box.

It was interesting to listen to them talk, because they spoke about marketing and the skills people need in order to become entrepreneurs or solo practitioners among other things.

I hope to be a coach someday. At the moment I have so many excuses not to become one, that I sometimes feel I’ll probably never be one. I know this is not constructive thinking, but I am determined to do something other than work for someone else for the rest of my life.

An important skill I need to improve is interacting with people. I prefer writing people emails to actually talking to them. Although I am not as afraid as I used to be.

At the moment I feel like the Universe is bombarding me with help. I keep getting links and information teaching me about things I want to learn about, like the marketing and how important it is to be clear on your intentions.

My intention for my life is to feel free!

I know deep down inside that I have the potential. I just have to peel away the layers of emotional blocks covering up my personal power so it can be revealed and I can finally be ME!

Day 103 on my journey: Too much to share!

The last few days a lot has been going on. Just too much to share. So I’ll just stick to whatever I remember at this moment.

I am expecting the BYMM book next week. Looking forward to holding it and getting on track with reading it.

I listened to a member’s call. Almost everybody on there was doing better. The fact they are on the call and really making an effort is working for them. I am always very happy to see others do well.

Our group has been moved to Google. On Facebook it wasn’t that easy to stay in touch. I signed up for the Google group and updated my profile. I really hope to connect to the others more now.

I still didn’t get my check. I hope to get it tomorrow morning. I don’t really know what to do about it. Joan was saying we should activate our internal Obama, but I don’t really know what that means. I know he is a very confident man and I love the way he is handling things. He seems prepared and knows the challenges he and the world are facing.

I don’t yet feel like giving away stuff, although I have been giving away some clothes and donated some money to the “Lawttery of Attraction”.

I listened to the audio for month 4 again. It’s all about connecting to the “Field of Consciousness” as Joan calls it. I’m doing my best to visualize our coaching sessions together. I am open to any signs that I can afford them.

The information in this program is just wonderful. I don’t know why Joan is charging such a low amount. Anybody else would have probably charged a lot more. I believe she really wants to help others and give them the opportunity to sign up even when on a low budget.

Joan offered to send me a healing stone. A stone that she energized. I’m not sure whether she sent it already, but I’m looking forward to receiving it…

I have on been on fool.com reading about investments, bonds, stocks, etc. I’m proud of myself for doing that because I haven’t been reading about money stuff, but it is suggested in the program. So I get a gold star today.. woo-hoo!!

Day 100 on my journey: What is going on?

Today is January 11 and I still have not received my check for December. I asked about it and was told that my boss kept forgetting her key or something. I really hope I’m not going back to my old habits.

I have been quite busy. I reviewed the exercises in the other months and realized that I didn’t do all of them. For example in month one I was supposed to buy a pink candle and sit quietly with myself and forgive myself.

So I bought the candle and did the forgiveness routine for a few minutes. I noticed that I couldn’t stay focused. So I’ll try again. I’ll be using this candle when I’m doing my guided meditations.

Talking about meditations. I ordered one from Jeanie Marshall, but have not yet received it. I’m looking forward to listening to it. It’s called “Golden Pool of Abundance”.

So, so far no check and no audio… I wish I knew what was going on!

By the way I changed my project for month 4. I am no longer going to focus on paying my debts back, I’m going to manifest coaching sessions with Joan. I’ve been wanting to do them for years and I feel the time has come.

I need to call in some extra help to get through this phase.

I love the audio for this month. I’m going to listen to it again tomorrow.