Day 108 on my journey: Changing habits…

I cashed my check today. All day long I asked myself what am I going to do with the money. I discussed “coaching” with my husband and he was not in favor of it.

He also doesn’t think it’s necessary for me to get a digital camera, but it’s ok for me to get a new hairdryer. I don’t know what to do. Why do I listen to him? Why do I allow him to control what happens to money I work for?

I don’t know. I really don’t.

And then I read my girls a bed time story from a children’s bible and it was about giving. So I decided to not start a fight and accept the fact that I have not come to a point of having more yet and just give!

I have noticed that my husband is much more loving towards me though. He likes my new hairdo. I see progress. I need to keep on keeping on.

Anyway I came across a great website about designing your lifestyle. Timothy Ferriss wrote a book called “4 Hour Work Week”. I think I’m going to order that book.

He also talks about how to change a habit on his site. His advice is based on the book “The Power of Less”. The best way to change a habit is to focus on just one for 30 days. There are more rules, but it makes sense to me. Just have a look here if you want to know more.

So the first habit I am instilling is:

Set my 3 MITs (Most Important Tasks) each morning.

There is a list of 12 habits. 1 for every month. I feel like I really needed this and have found my answer to overcoming overwhelm.

This is the year for me to get more organized and disciplined. I said it!

Day 42 on my journey: A valuable lesson!

I have learned a valuable lesson on this day. I learned that getting rid of limiting beliefs is not enough. If you keep behaving in the same old way, those beliefs will come right back. That is why it is not easy for many people to change.

On top of that our sense of self holds us back. It feels so much safer to stay where you are, because you don’t know what might happen if you do something differently. I guess being clear on what it is you want and using something beyond the obvious reasons to motivate you to take a chance, is what it’s all about.

Emotions are also very important. Learning how to express them in a “positive” way is vital. If you keep them inside they will find another way to be expressed and that is usually not a pleasant one.

Like what is happening with me and disappointment. It is stuck somewhere in my body and I somehow have the need to feel that feeling. It is part of me.

I did BSFF for disappointment, but I hadn’t been paying attention to my thoughts since then. So I think “it’s” back.

I’ve been “listening” to myself and realized that I expect something “bad” to happen most of the time. So, the moment I am aware of a thought like that, I think of a more positive outcome.

Changing my identity is not something that will happen overnight. It takes time and determination… both of which I am willing to invest…

Day 28 on my journey: It’s great to connect to others…!

On this day I listened to two tele classes in the Build Your Money Muscles for Financial Strength & Security program. One was mainly about spirituality and how some of us that have stronger spiritual abilities could monetize that. The second one was about being addicted to financial aid. Either from our parents or the government. It doesn’t really matter where the money is coming from, it is a way to stay connected to others.

As I was thinking about what to write about for this day I realized that I too am addicted. My husband supports me. Without him I would not be able to pay all the bills, let alone pay off my debts. I want to do something about that and Joan gave some great advice. Like keeping a little extra cash in your account every month and looking for other ways to make extra money.

This month is the first month I am getting an “allowance”. It is coming out of the extra money I am now making every month. My husband and I agreed on an amount, but I am already afraid it won’t be enough. It’s amazing how strong habits and underlying beliefs are.

One thing I am giving myself credit for is that I am still keeping track of what I am spending. It feels almost normal to be doing that. It is really great to see how much I spend and on what.

I did some getting rid of clutter. Which would normally feel great, but this time it was kind of ok. Like it wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t really feel like it, but I made myself do it and somehow I got done what I wanted to do, so that was nice. I still have some more stuff I want to get rid of, but I am taking it easy. I don’t want to overwhelm myself and fall back.

I am also very proud of myself for still writing in this journal. Even if nobody reads it, it’s great to be able to look back later and see how far I’ve come…

Day 27 on my journey: Back to my old self…!

I am very happy to say I am back to my old self. I’ve been doing the things I would normally do in a day.

Although there are some things I would like to change about this old self. It serves me well at the moment.

I see that I’m a creature of habit just like anybody else, but I am very proud of myself for trying to improve and morph into a new me…

Day 27 was a bit of a strange day. I guess the Universe is still testing my progress. There was a little situation with my husband, but I was able to handle it. I was able to express my feelings without getting all emotional and shoked up.

I guess I should have named this post something like: Morphing from my old to my new self…

I see progress and it feels great.

Day 23 on my journey: When will I stop overspending…?

Tomorrow is my daughter’s first birthday. We won’t have a party or anything, but I did want to buy her something. I asked my husband for some money and in my head I calculated about how much I was going to spend on a gift and a cake. I thought that the amount he gave me would be enough… but as usual I spend more than he gave me.

I bought her a really nice, quality toy to learn sounds, etc with, a nice dress and of course a cake, with pink roses.

I am hoping for the day I can have money in my hand and have some left… it’s like I either have just enough or not enough for whatever it is I want to buy. Of course this is what the “Build Your Money Muscles for Financial Strength & Security” is all about. I have to wait till month three to go deeper into these identities.

One of my greatest fears used to be that my husband would want to divorce me and I would be left alone with the care of my children or actually even worse, that he would take my kids. If I would be the only care giver I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to take care of my kids. That I wouldn’t make enough money, but those fears are gone. I do make enough money, but that’s it, just enough.

My greatest fear now is that I won’t be able to pay of all my debts, although to be honest I do feel I will be paying them off. It’s strange because it’s quite a big amount of money and so far I haven’t been making any payments for over three years now, but I just know there will be a solution. I am more than open to whatever the Universe has in store for me. I expect nothing but good.

I still feel great on my journey to debt free prosperous living… eventhough I think I have a long way to go… first thing I would love to do is to break my habit of having just enough. I have to say though that it used to be more of a less than enough habit, so I’ve made some progress already…

I am really proud of myself for how far I’ve come.

I just hope that one day I can help my family out, because they are in the same boat as me… Next month we are going to focus on family of origin, so that’s going to be interesting…