Day 88 and 89 on my journey: Feeling much better and Happy New Year…!

It’s amazing how doing BSFF and listening to Joan’s audios affects my mood. I was feeling a bit down the last few days. So on day 88 and 89 I sat down and did BSFF on feeling stuck, being debt free, prosperity and issues I might have with myself. In the new protocol, I received from Larry, there’s an overall statement you can use. It goes like this:

“I am treating every thought, feeling attitude, belief, imagination, fantasy and every other problem that I have ever had about or toward …”

I filled in “myself”. I think it had some effect, because I feel so much better now. I also sat down and wrote down some stuff that I found helpful in the audios. Like how to manage my money. Something I could do better if I put more effort into it. I think that is a major factor holding me back at the moment. I still feel a bit vague about my money. I just haven’t found a good way to keep track yet… even after all these months. I tried two different ways and I keep finding differences between what I actually have and what’s in my software.

I think that once I get that going well, things will improve a lot faster. I’m going to look for an even easier way to keep track. Another software something maybe.

I also finally realized that I am feeling ashamed of my money. I thought that feeling alone was mostly what was going on, but shame is a big issue as well. I am ashamed of the way I spend my money and the fact that I just can’t seem to keep track of it. I keep forgetting to write things down. My identity factor is doing a great job at protecting my financial identity.

I don’t want to go back to my old ways and I won’t.

I feel really great!

Oh and by the way Happy New Year!

Make this your best year ever!

Day 86 and 87 on my journey: I have the moving stupids…

Now you may ask “What are the moving stupid?” Well according to Joan Sotkin, any time you make significant changes in your identity you go through a period of adjusting to them. You feel disoriented, strange, etc.

Well this is what is happening to me now. For a few days I was just not able to write in this blog or connect with anybody. I “blame” it on the BSFF sessions I have been doing on my feeling of just-enough and being alone.

I still feel a bit weird at the moment, but I think that things are getting better. I just have to continue doing things I would normally not do.

It is really not me to keep in touch with others, but I really want to connect to others more, so I just have to keep on doing that. I almost fell back these last few days, but I do not want to give up.

I just learned about Ho’oponopono. I heard about it before, but it is crossing my path again, so I’ll be looking into it and giving it a try. I think it is similar to BSFF. The process is different, but to me at the end of the day it is the subconscious that takes care of unresolved emotions and memories causing problems in the present moment.

Ho’opononpo goes a bit further though. You are 100% responsible for anything that happens in your life. We all hear about how we create our reality and this is something that I truly believe, but being 100% responsible for everything that happens is something that I would normally not think of doing.

After reading about it I do feel that it is true. Everything that happens “outside” of us is actually a reflection of what is going on inside us. By healing yourself, forgiving yourself, loving yourself you cleanse your past and end up creating more loving and joyful experiences.

To read more about Ho’oponopono and how miraculous it is, go here.

Day 80 to 85 on my journey: Holiday break!

I didn’t write about my journey for a few days, because of the holidays. I’ll just do a recap of what has happened within this period of time.

I’ve done some BSFF on some issues of aloneness, inner-directed issues, self-image, etc.

I also did some yoga, which was very nice. It was only about 10 minutes, but it made a big difference. I was so much more relaxed, especially when it comes to time. I always used to worry about being late. Now I’ve noticed that when I stay in the moment it doesn’t matter what time I get to where I need to be, it’s the perfect time.

I listened to some more of Joan’s audio. I would like to read the BYMM book a bit more. I seem to feel more drawn to the audio than to the reading.

Joan’s keeps saying that it doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you are doing something.

I still have a long way to go, but that’s fine. All in due time.

For some reason my relationship with my husband has improved. I have never felt more in love… such a great feeling. I think I never really allowed myself to feel the feeling of loving another person, but what’s really great as well is that my husband shows me more affection as well.

Your outer world really reflect what is going on inside… this is proof to me!

I signed up for a teleseminar to energize my goals. I have some time off again this week so I’m going to set some goals for the new year.

As soon as I do I’ll think about posting them here.

Day 79 on my journey: Feeling alone…!

I thought about this feeling alone issue and where it comes from, because I don’t think the only way I’m expressing it, is through my finances.

When I was four my sister was born. I didn’t like her. It took me years to really see her as my sister. I always thought she was fake. That whenever she laughed or cried, she didn’t really mean it.

I know it sounds strange, but that’s how I felt. I even told her so.

I always felt that she had my younger brother as her companion and I didn’t have anyone. Even a friend I had in school wasn’t always available to play with me and she had a lot of brothers and I felt like they didn’t like having me around.

So from a young age I’ve learned to be by myself. I remember being in my room and studying or reading books. I loved doing that and still do.

On the audio Joan said that people may say that they like being by themselves and that that was not a problem. We need some alone time, but it shouldn’t be a way to avoid being around other people. It may be that you’ve learned that others might hurt you. I don’t think that’s the reason I like being alone.

When we were young, our parents never really took us out. They didn’t want other people to be annoyed by us. You know what I mean? They didn’t want to impose us on other people. I think that’s where my aloneness comes from. The thought that I might annoy someone else and I guess the person won’t like me and abandon me. So end of the day I am afraid of being left alone.

Joan is so right!

At the moment I don’t feel like I have anyone to really talk to about the things that interest me. I do know some people on the Internet, but no one in “real” life. So I’m feeling alone! No wonder I feel I don’t have enough money most of the time…:-(

Being alone has become a habit for me from an early age. I have some BSFF statements I am going to try using to overcome this habit.

Day 78 on my journey: I really want to get past this…!

On this day I listened to Joan blogtalkradio show again. I signed up for Gina’s Mental Mastery mini course. It’s a seven day course to learn how to set goals and achieve them (in a nutshell).

So I started writing down what I would like my life to look like. I noticed that I wrote down a lot of feeling goals. Of course I desire to live a debt free prosperous life. According to Gina I don’t have to worry about how my goals will be reached, the Universe takes care of that.

I feel like I’m really close to the next level. And after listening to the answers Joan and Gina gave to my questions I realize that what has been holding me back all this time is me or better said the identity factor.

I am so used to being at this level that it’s not easy to move out of that. I guess all I can do is do something every day to change just a little.

I listened to the BSFF treatment for month 3 again and I listened to an audio I bought some time ago by Joan about aloneness. I am definitely expressing aloneness through my money.

I have connected to some other people on Facebook and I do have some female friends here in Kuwait, but I don’t feel like I can be me with them. Although there’s one who seems interested in the things I am interested in, but we don’t get to talk much. She offered to start a book club, but I don’t know how serious she is about that. I guess I’ll have to find out.

When it comes to aloneness I can say that I wish I knew why I prefer being alone. Joan spoke about being afraid of being left alone, and sometimes I can see that in myself, but there’s times when I don’t.

I like being by myself. Ever since I was a little girl I’d be in my room studying, reading books and felt fine. Although I did want to play with others, I always felt left out.

It doesn’t really matter where this wanting to be alone comes from I want to get rid of it. I’d like to be able to make friends and meet people I can really relate to. Who’ll support me and make me feel loved and appreciated.

Day 77 on my journey: Busy, productive day…!

On this day something happened that made me realize some stuff about me. That’s all I want to say about it. I guess I am feeling ashamed and need to deal with that.

On the other hand I have some nice news. Joan answered my question in her blogtalkradioshow. I send her an e-mail asking for help with me feeling stuck at this just-enough level.

She had Gina Parris on her show. Gina sounds like a very nice person.

Both Joan and Gina said some stuff that made me think. These are some of the notes I wrote down:

- The fact that I feel like I’m stuck at this just enough level is most likely because of the Identity factor. It is trying to protect “me” or whomever I perceive myself to be. The identity factor does not like change.
_ I should look around for things that I have more than enough of to help me learn how it feels to have more than enough.
- I need to learn how to feel loved and appreciated. I really resonate with that. It’s always been an issue with me.
- I am isolating myself. I have to admit that I don’t always feel comfortable around other people. There are subjects I would like to talk about and they just don’t “get” me, I feel. So I feel like I can’t really be me around certain people.
- I should realize that there’s nothing wrong with me and that I’m fine today.
- Stepping into my real self is not “change”, but growth. This sounds less threatening.

I really feel great for listening to this interview and that Joan chose my question to talk about on the show. She really put some things in perspective for me.

I also spoke to my prosperity buddy. We both set some goals for the coming week.
I want to do some yoga. Been thinking about doing it for so long.
I also want to work on my self-confidence with BSFF.
I started a gratitude and feel great about myself journal. I want to write in it as often as I can.

All in all a pretty productive day, huh?!

Day 76 on my journey: Got another one…

Yep, they gave me another one… so far my new MP3 player is working. I hope it continues to work because it would be a shame to “loose” the money I payed for it.

Well we’ll see.

On this day I bought a journal. I feel like writing down some stuff. Some things I would like to keep private.

Tomorrow morning I have an appointment with my prosperity buddy. Last week we couldn’t talk, so we’ll get a chance to catch up tomorrow.

Day 75 on my journey: I’ve stopped resisting…!

Ok, so I went to pick up my fixed MP3 player. Turns out they couldn’t fix it so they gave me a new one. And I’m sure you guessed it… yep this one didn’t work either. I never even got a chance to use it, because it won’t start up.

Anyway I’ll take it back and see what happens. I don’t think I’ll ever get my money back. I think this is a lesson from the Universe not to be buying cheap stuff.

Next time I’ll just have to be patient and save up to buy something more expensive, with better guarantee and quality.

More to come…

Day 74 on my journey: I am hopeful…!

On this day I received a phone call from the people that offered to fix my MP3 player. The guy told me it’s ready. I can’t wait to find out whether it’s really fixed. If not I’ll be getting my money back, no ifs, buts or maybes…

I also did some BSFF on self-image and inner-directed issues. I don’t notice much of a difference consciously, but I’m used to that. BSFF works really gently. Any real changes I’ll notice or feel in due time.

There are a few issues and problems I would love to treat, but I’m taking it easy. That’s just me. Like I said before I need to feel inspired to do it.

Like I felt inspired to write down some reasonable goals for my other website. I’m going to focus on attracting more traffic and adding more content. I’d like to promote BSFF more, because it’s just great.

I’m thinking of writing a page on why I feel BSFF is “better” than EFT. EFT is a wonderful method as well, but I just prefer BSFF.

I feel that BSFF is not getting enough attention. EFT is all over the Internet and the amount of sites that talk about BSFF is limited. If you know of a good site, apart from Larry’s site of course, please let me know.

I know there are people getting some great results with BSFF. I wish they would speak up some more.

Anyway I’ll keep blogging on my progress, which BSFF is a big part of…

Day 73 on my journey: Studied the new BSFF protocol…!

I studied the documents Larry send me on the new BSFF protocol. Unfortunately he has not replied to my questions about the new protocol. I’ll have to send him a new e-mail. I think for some reason when I reply to his e-mails they don’t go through.

I’d really like to know whether I am using the protocol correctly to receive full benefit.

That’s about it for this day… more to come!