Day 56 on my journey: What would I choose to do?

One of the actions to be taken in month 2 of the program is to ask yourself the question “What would you choose to do if you weren’t afraid of what other people would say, and if making radical changes in your life would not harm you in any way, and if money were no object?”

This is a great question. I have asked myself this question many times before. It’s like asking yourself what your life purpose is, what it really is you would like to be doing with and in your life.

It’s not easy for me to answer that question. One thing I’ve learned about myself is that I love to study and learn new things. Now I don’t know whether I like it because of my situation. What I mean is, I don’t know whether trying to improve my life’s circumstances is motivating me to read and study or whether it is something that is coming from my higher self.

Something that always touches me is to see people being treated badly or being in bad conditions. I would love to be able to help others. I know from experience that it’s not easy to change habits and beliefs. I have the tools now in this program I am doing, but a lot of people don’t have access to this information or are just not aware of how they influence their reality.

I think that if money where no object, I would set up an organization to really help people who have a bad self-image.

I feel that a lot of people who try to help, use a lot of sweet talk. I believe people need to hear the truth about what is going on with them and if they are not willing to change, no problem, but if they are, I would be more than willing to help them. I know that by doing this I would be helping the entire collective consciousness and in the end everyone would benefit.

To be honest though. At the moment I can’t dream! All I want is to be debt free and living a prosperous life. I can’t imagine living like that yet, which is probably why I am still where I am.

This journey will take some time, but I am aware of that and willing to spend that time.

Day 55 on my journey: Adjusting the days and having a look at my progress!

I thought I’d do a count of the days since I started my journey, just to be on track, because I had a feeling I skipped a few days. I was right I did miss out a few days, about a week actually. Well I am on track again.

Yesterday was my birthday and my husband threw me a surprise birthday party. It was really great. I danced deep into the night… great people and I felt so at ease. This is a big chance for me. Normally there would be stuff bothering me and I would be busy trying to please everybody, but last night I was only thinking of having fun. And it felt good. I noticed that I did have more fun and I “noticed” other people. I was not just there observing every one, I was part of the group.

I listened to a teleclass. I have to listen again. It was really interesting to hear one of the participants and how she holds on to her ego or her just-enough identity and even to see how she creates it.

I connected with some more people via Facebook and Twitter. It’s just amazing to me how I feel so much more connected to others. Joan says that in month 4 she has some exercises for the right brain. So that’ll be interesting. I think that the BSFF statements in month two helped me with really feeling my feelings more.

I’d like to finish the redesign of my site before the end of this month. I hope I’ll make it, because it would also be another great way to connect to others.

I am definitely aware of how my less-than-enough/just-enough identity is affecting my life at the moment. For example I didn’t make it through the month with my “allowance”. I had to use some of the extra money in my savings. That doesn’t feel nice nor does it feel bad. It just happened.

The funny thing is that I keep thinking I’ll make it, that it’s enough money. Although every once in a while the thought of it not being enough creeps in and I guess those thoughts won again this month.

I am determined to change this habit. I just know that it’ll get better every month.

I always have enough money… but you know how you always wish you had more?! I want to move from having just enough to having more than enough… the journey continues!

Day 47 on my journey: It’s not about money!

I listened to a teleclass on this day in the BYMM program. The people that shared their stories really showed that it’s not about money. It’s all about emotions and to be more specific, the blocked emotions, that need to be expressed and never fully get expressed.

I have noticed that I really need to take care of my disappointment issues. I’ve been so busy on Facebook, Twitter, working, taking care of the kids and some other stuff that I haven’t “found” the time yet to sit down and work on these issues.
Am I procrastinating? Yes!

I think there’s a fear deep within me that it won’t work and I’ll be disappointed again. Like I’m stuck in a vicious circle.

I really believe that this is my biggest issue at the moment.

Wish my luck “finding” the time to work through it.

Day 46 on my journey: Spreading gratitude!

I saw a very nice video by one of the members of the Hurricane of Gratitude group on this day. The title of her video is “Amy’s Attitude of Gratitude”. She spoke about gratitude and what it means to her.

She said something that really spoke to my heart: She said that you always have a choice between two states of being and those are to either be in love, gratitude and abundance or to be in fear and lack. At any given moment you have the choice to experience something from either states.

She advised us to write down what we’re grateful for every day. It’s a great thing to be able to look back as you move on your journey.

She challenged us to honor someone every day, in any way we’d like to.

I thought, this video was really nice, because I’ve learned that being grateful for what you have is a great way to see the abundance that is all around us and when you focus on that more comes to you. For example I have gotten pay raises after showing gratitude or connecting to more people. But the moment I kind of go back to my old ways and don’t feel as good, I notice a change in my finances as well.

Being grateful is also a great way to feel more prosperous, which is of course really important to me.

So I’m adding spreading gratitude to my list of things to do.

Let me start by saying that I am grateful for:

1. Being a member of the Hurricane of Gratitude group on facebook. If you’re on facebook you should check the group out.
2. Having a great husband. Our relationship is improving. I’ve noticed a change since I started on this program. A change for the better.
3. Joan’s program.
4. Having great daughters, who make me smile and mad every day.
5. For social media websites, like facebook and Twitter…

I’ll try to make a list of at least 5 things I am grateful for every day from now on.

Day 45 on my journey: Made progress!

So now I’m an officer of the Hurricane of Gratitude group on facebook. My title is “Life Explorer”. Alex (founder of the group) added me and a few others as well.

It has always been hard for me to connect to other people. I’ve always seen myself as a loner. There are so many excuses and reasons I could come up with, why I prefer to be by myself, but I feel like I’ve made some progress when it comes to connecting to others.

And the great thing about it, is that I am myself. Like I said I love to learn and I also love to share my knowledge.

I listened to a great BlogTalkRadio show by Joan Sotkin on this day. She interviewed a lady called Barbara Stanny on Overcoming under earning. It was a great show. I have to listen to it again, because my daughters interrupted me, but I learned a lot again from what I did hear.

According to Barbara an under earner is someone who no matter how much they make, always feel that they don’t have enough. They do not value themselves. They say sorry a lot.

On the show Joan coached someone who considered herself to be an under earner. If you want to know what she adviced her to do, please just go to BlogTalkRadio show by Joan Sotkin and listen to the show. There are some other shows there that are really great as well.

Another thing that I did on this day was go to the beach with my husband and kids. It was great.

I really feel good at the moment. It’s great to connect to others. I know I keep saying it, but I feel I can’t say it often enough.

Day 44 on my journey: Loving this!

I just love this program. It is so wonderful to connect to others, even if it’s over the Internet. Some people have befriended me on facebook and the founder of the group “Hurricane of Gratitude” has offered to make me an officer of the group.

He asked me to come up with a title and after some thought it occured to me that I have a passion for learning. I enjoy acquiring knowledge, especially about life. So I decided on the title “Life Explorer”.

I realized that there are two questions that are keeping me on my path to self improvement:

1. How does life work?
2. Where am I really from?

It feels great to know this about myself. To finally know what my passion is: to learn!

Personal development has been a part of my life because of this passion and because of my willingness to change.

I am not saying it’s easy, but I am willing and that helps.

Day 43 on my journey: Stop resisting!

On this day I read a story written by a member of the facebook group “Hurricane of Gratitude”. It’s a great group. People share what they’re grateful for, among other things, but for the last few weeks the founder has asked us to make a video or in any other way, share our world, our passions with the other members.

So, one of the members did a “wideo” (a video, but with words). The message she gave us was inspired by something she saw. Every day on her walk with her dog she gets to the top of a hill and sees birds. On this one day she saw a hawk. Normally they glide through the air effortlessly, but on this day the hawk was trying to stay in one spot. You could tell that it was costing a lot of energy and it was definitely not easy.

The same thing goes for us. When we resist life, it saps our energy. You feel tired and depressed, but when you just go with the flow and accept what is, as just what is, life is so much easier.

I hope to finally feel that God or the Universe or whatever force out there taking care of life, is taking care of me. That no matter what, I am loved.

I am loved now!

Day 42 on my journey: A valuable lesson!

I have learned a valuable lesson on this day. I learned that getting rid of limiting beliefs is not enough. If you keep behaving in the same old way, those beliefs will come right back. That is why it is not easy for many people to change.

On top of that our sense of self holds us back. It feels so much safer to stay where you are, because you don’t know what might happen if you do something differently. I guess being clear on what it is you want and using something beyond the obvious reasons to motivate you to take a chance, is what it’s all about.

Emotions are also very important. Learning how to express them in a “positive” way is vital. If you keep them inside they will find another way to be expressed and that is usually not a pleasant one.

Like what is happening with me and disappointment. It is stuck somewhere in my body and I somehow have the need to feel that feeling. It is part of me.

I did BSFF for disappointment, but I hadn’t been paying attention to my thoughts since then. So I think “it’s” back.

I’ve been “listening” to myself and realized that I expect something “bad” to happen most of the time. So, the moment I am aware of a thought like that, I think of a more positive outcome.

Changing my identity is not something that will happen overnight. It takes time and determination… both of which I am willing to invest…

Day 41 on my journey: Food and disappointment!

I listened to Joan’s blogtalkradio show with Dr. Harold Steinberg. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/JoanSotkin. It was very informative.

I love to eat and I know how important it is to eat healthy. Although I also believe that you shouldn’t deprive yourself of a little joy. I love sweet stuff, but I don’t eat a lot of it and definitely not every day.

Every thing in moderation is my moto.

I particularly loved the coaching Joan did after the interview. This lady was so afraid. And the way Joan showed her that there was another way of looking at her situation was just wonderful.

I think the Universe is trying to tell me something again. Every where I look I hear people  talking about expressing emotions. One of the emotions I’ve noticed that I’m expressing through my money is disappointment.

I was able to remember being disappointed a lot when I was young and in what circumstances, so I think I can do the 7 step process to get rid of this habit.

I said before that I didn’t really know where to start. I guess I have my starting point. I just need to find a quiet time to do it…

Day 40 on my journey: My identity?

There is an audio in the BYMM program called the Identity Factor. This is something Joan talks about a lot. This identity factor is the one that likes to keep us where we are. It loves the predictabilty of our lives.

I can fully understand that.

Moving forward is not just about getting rid of bad money habits, but it’s also important to replace them with healthy habits. Learning to take better care of myself and my money is very important.

I see that, but to be honest I find it hard to replace my old habits. I am getting impatient.

So in order not to get discouraged I am going to make a list of what I feel I have achieved so far and pat myself on the back for that:

1. I am keeping track of my spending. Which has, by the way, taught me that I am still overspending. I bought something that at the moment of buying I thought I shouldn’t because I wouldn’t have enough money left for the rest of the month. I bought it anyway and to be honest I don’t regret I did. I am using what I bought. It’s not just sitting there and it’s something I will be using in future. For how long I don’t know, but I am using it now and that’s all that matters.

2. I am still writing in this journal every day. I am really proud of myself for doing that.

3. I am connecting to others. I am on facebook, twitter, hi5, a women’s self-esteem forum and so many other social networks I don’t even remember.

4. I cleared out some of my clutter. My desk is staying tidy, although the rest is a bit messy again. It is still a lot better than it was.

5. I found a prosperity buddy and have spoken to her twice now. It’s nice to have someone to share some of my concerns with and to be there for someone as well.

At times I feel the resistance and get upset, without being able to control myself. I guess I shouldn’t try to control my emotions, because that might lead to future problems.

I am just very grateful to be on this journey… taking baby steps is better than standing still… wouldn’t you agree?!