Day 27 on my journey: Back to my old self…!

I am very happy to say I am back to my old self. I’ve been doing the things I would normally do in a day.

Although there are some things I would like to change about this old self. It serves me well at the moment.

I see that I’m a creature of habit just like anybody else, but I am very proud of myself for trying to improve and morph into a new me…

Day 27 was a bit of a strange day. I guess the Universe is still testing my progress. There was a little situation with my husband, but I was able to handle it. I was able to express my feelings without getting all emotional and shoked up.

I guess I should have named this post something like: Morphing from my old to my new self…

I see progress and it feels great.

Day 26 on my journey: After every down there’s an up…!

On this day, after all that has happened these two days before, something really nice happened. I was mentioned in a video on facebook.

You see, I’m a member of a group on facebook called Hurricane of Gratitude. The founder of the group put together a really nice video and included the pictures of members of the group, showing them how much he appreciates them. It was a really nice thing to do.

So this was my up after a down. This group is really growing and that shows me how gratitude works. As you become more and more grateful you get more and more to be grateful for. Every few days I post a list of 5 things I am grateful for on the wall of the group. I haven’t done if for a while, because of a few things going on with me.

At the moment I am grateful to have my glasses back and to have some money in my pocket…

There is so much to be grateful for.

To get back to my goal of living a debt free prosperous life. I have been walking around thinking about getting a PDA or a digital camera. I like taking pictures and uploading them to my Picture trail account, but I haven’t done that in a while, because my digital camera broke.

It’s nice to take pictures of the girls now that there so young, but a digital camera is pretty expensive if you want a good one. A PDA is even more expensive and I already decided I don’t really need it. I could get a diary or use my mobile to keep track of appointments and I am already using an excel sheet to keep track of my cashflow, so I don’t need a PDA.

So, now I’m still thinking about this digital camera. I can take pictures with my mobile, but they’re only 2 mega pixels.

I think I’ll just take a few months and save up for one or think about it a bit longer, who knows I might find another solution…

Day 25 on my journey: I didn’t think it could get any worse!

Day 24 was a day I will never forget, although I wouldn’t mind if I did. Like I said, a crazy guy punctiored two of my tires and then attacked me. I’m fine and I feel great for being as strong as I was handling every thing.

So on day 25 I was with the police most of the morning. I think I told the story over 5 times. The final draft of my statement was in Arabic, so I have no idea whether the officer understood everything I said and noted it down correctly. He said we had to trust him. Not easy after another Arabic man attacks you, but what can I do. I think I saw the “suspect” about four times. They kept asking me whether he was the one that attacked me. The fact that this guy kept lying about what happened, made me stop feeling sorry for him, because believe it or not I felt sorry. He is living out on the streets and probably just desperate, but I don’t like people lying. Maybe because I am an honest person, I expect that from others and hardly question people’s integrity.

If not for anything else I have learned to be less trusting, but I am still me. I will still be nice to people, because I really want to do that, not to please them, but just to be nice. I will not let some *&%* guy mess that up for me.

I really feel like the Universe was testing my progress, because when I left the police to go pick up my girls from school, I was already late. I then got into a terrible traffic jam and finally picked up the girls two hours late. Normally I would have gotten really anxious, because I just hate being late, but I was surprisingly calm. I only lost it once and just pleaded and said I had enough, I asked how much calmer I had to be…:-) And the traffic started moving… I was so grateful and amazed.

We really do create our reality and I see proof of this almost every day. It is our choice to what we create, by what we focus on. I am of course focusing on getting my debt free prosperous living…

There was one nice thing that happened, I got payed for the extra work I’m doing in the mornings… YES! I am really grateful for that as well.

I’m sure there will be a lot more tests on my journey, but I am more than confident that I will be able to handle them…

Day 24 on my journey: What a day this was…!

I am very late writing this post, but I have a good reason. Day 24 on my journey, is a day I will never forget. I learned a lot about myself and I feel great about myself.

I’m just going to give the very short version of what happened and say what I’ve learned and why I feel so great.

So in a nutshell… some crazy guy punctured two of my tires and attacked me. I don’t feel like sharing more, because he is not worth me wasting too much of my energy on.

What I have learned about myself through this ordeal is that I am not as weak as I thought I was. I am actually pretty strong. I also learned that I can trust my intuition. I felt something was about to happen and handled the situation accordantly.

I believe this was a side effect of all the BSFF I’ve been doing lately. A way to test my strength. Day 25 was a bit better, but not much. I’ll write about that in another post.

I felt great about myself, because all through it I was pretty calm. I just knew I was safe and nothing I couldn’t handle would happen to me. I felt like there was a benevolent force near to me protecting me. I just knew…!

All my life I’ve felt like things would always work out. Lately I’m just more aware of how they work out.

Now about my journey to debt free prosperous living… my cashflow sheet is still on track… It’s great to see how much I spend on what. That way I can better assess whether or not I have enough or more than enough… I really want to cultivate the feeling of having more than enough.

By the way don’t worry about me. I am doing great…

Day 23 on my journey: When will I stop overspending…?

Tomorrow is my daughter’s first birthday. We won’t have a party or anything, but I did want to buy her something. I asked my husband for some money and in my head I calculated about how much I was going to spend on a gift and a cake. I thought that the amount he gave me would be enough… but as usual I spend more than he gave me.

I bought her a really nice, quality toy to learn sounds, etc with, a nice dress and of course a cake, with pink roses.

I am hoping for the day I can have money in my hand and have some left… it’s like I either have just enough or not enough for whatever it is I want to buy. Of course this is what the “Build Your Money Muscles for Financial Strength & Security” is all about. I have to wait till month three to go deeper into these identities.

One of my greatest fears used to be that my husband would want to divorce me and I would be left alone with the care of my children or actually even worse, that he would take my kids. If I would be the only care giver I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to take care of my kids. That I wouldn’t make enough money, but those fears are gone. I do make enough money, but that’s it, just enough.

My greatest fear now is that I won’t be able to pay of all my debts, although to be honest I do feel I will be paying them off. It’s strange because it’s quite a big amount of money and so far I haven’t been making any payments for over three years now, but I just know there will be a solution. I am more than open to whatever the Universe has in store for me. I expect nothing but good.

I still feel great on my journey to debt free prosperous living… eventhough I think I have a long way to go… first thing I would love to do is to break my habit of having just enough. I have to say though that it used to be more of a less than enough habit, so I’ve made some progress already…

I am really proud of myself for how far I’ve come.

I just hope that one day I can help my family out, because they are in the same boat as me… Next month we are going to focus on family of origin, so that’s going to be interesting…

Day 22 on my journey: I have everything I need…

As I was trying to decide on what to write, it occured to me that I have every thing I need, right now… and that’s all that matters.

At the moment I really feel like the Universe is taking care of me. I feel so much more confident. For example I was able to talk to my husband about something I would normally get upset about and probably start crying, but I felt good. I didn’t get upset and I could express my feelings. This is a big thing for me.

I am so grateful to be able to see that change. I also feel like my wishes are granted a lot faster. For example, and this is maybe something really small, but a few days ago I thought that it would be nice to get a new air freshener for my car. I forgot about it, but I think it was two days later, my husband put a new one in my car. I didn’t have to buy one, it was just there… the Universe is just the greatest…

I have been so busy trying to get my other website redesigned that I haven’t spend a lot of time networking. This coming week I also need to start studying the last part of my graphics and design course. I’ll be so glad when that’s over… due to my third pregnancy I wasn’t able to finish it, so now after two years I still don’t have my certificate, but I’m on it…

I just realized that I like designing stuff. I really hope to pursue that and actually start getting payed for it. I know there’s a lot of competition, but I only need a few clients… it’s time consuming work… but I enjoy it…

Anyway enough rambling… I just saw that there was another teleclass today… I’ll have to listen to it tomorrow…

That’s it for today…

Day 21 on my journey: Feeling overwhelmed…!

I love surfing the Net and gathering information on the topic of personal development. I love doing it, but it takes time. As you may know already I also work about 4 hours a day, but it takes me 2 hours to go back and forth to work, so that means 6 hours out of my day go for working on my day job.

I wake up at 6am and go to sleep preferably at 10pm, but most of the time I don’t sleep before 11.30pm. So from 6am to 11.30pm is 17.5 hours. Take out 6 hours and I’m left with 11.5 hours. Take out another 2 hours for picking up and dropping of my girls to school and I’m left with 9.5 hours. It takes me about an hour to cook and eat, so 8.5 hours left. Take out another hour for getting ready in the morning and before going to sleep. 7.5 hours left.

I still breastfeed my youngest daughter, which takes up about an hour a day. That means I have 6.5 hours left.

This sounds like a lot of time, at least to me, but it’s spread through the day. In between taking my kids to school and picking them up, breastfeeding, cooking, eating, going to work…

So I have about an hour and a half in the morning, 45 minutes to an hour in the early afternoon and then about 4.5 hours in the evening. I know it doesn’t really add up, because I have not taken out the time for personal hygiene, relaxing, etc.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that most of the time I feel like I don’t have enough time to do what I’d like to do. Oh I forgot to say that when my kids are home they interrupt me every 10 to 20 minutes…grrr!

So on this 21st day of my journey I listened to a audio/video clip about dealing with overwhelm. It was very helpful, because what they basically said is that there are some tools to help you do it, but you have to change some of your habits and put the tools in practice. Otherwise it’s no use.

I am doing a few e-courses and this great program on dealing with money issues right now. I am learning so much and with the help of the e-course on overwhelm I already learned that I don’t mind spending a lot of time on learning.

On another occasion I’ll make a list of the things that are important to me in life and how much time I would like to spend on them…

You know, GET ORGANIZED!!!

Day 20 on my journey: I am so grateful…!

There is one thing that has definitely improved for me and that involves groceries… Groceries? Yep groceries!

When I was young and still living with my parents, my mom would always make sure we had food on the table. There were times it was not easy, but she was always able to do it. I see myself doing the same for my family now.

I have gone through a period of really feeling stressed when doing my grocery shopping, because I felt I didn’t have enough money to get what I felt my family needed. On top of that I just couldn’t convince my husband to increase our food budget. He is a very stubborn man when it comes to money and there has to be a really good reason for him to give me more money. So I would walk around the supermarket comparing prices, with my calculator in hand to make sure I would not put too many items in my cart, so I wouldn’t be humiliated at the counter for not being able to pay for everything.

But then I did Nick Arandes’ e-course on manifesting miracles and one of the things he asked me to do was to start a gratitude journal. This was not easy for me, especially on paper, so what I did is after some time I started two journals online in two forums I subscribe to. The reason I did this is because I really wanted to express my gratitude and share it with others.

From the very beginning I started showing more gratitude for the things I already have, I noticed a change in my perspective on groceries. Now I can see that there is always something for us to eat in the house, which I am very grateful for. I don’t stress anymore when in the supermarket, because I somehow know I’ll have enough money and by now I know which items to get and which not. Even when my husband is late giving me grocery money I can stay calm.

Just by realizing and being grateful for the abundance that is already around me, I have been able to make this change for myself. Something I am really grateful for, because it has reduced my stress levels and given me peace of mind when it comes to taking care of my family…

Now, why am I telling you this on this day on my journey? Well last night my babysitter told me that we were almost out of diapers. Normally I would freak out and start worrying about what would happen if my daughter needed more diapers and I couldn’t give it to her. At the moment there’s only one diaper left and I don’t know whether my husband will give me the money for this week’s groceries, but I am not concerned. I know the Universe will provide. There will always be a solution to a challenge as long as I am not standing it the way with my worrying…

So start looking around and be grateful for all the things you have in life and more of it will come to you!

Day 19 on my journey: I am disappointed…!

A few weeks ago Joan sent us a newsletter about the habit of disappointment. The moment I read the criteria I knew I had this habit. Every time something nice happens something happens to disappoint me.

Well, it happened again. About two weeks now I have been working extra hours. I didn’t even ask, the extra hours were offered to me and I was very excited and delighted to find that I would be making extra money. So why am I disappointed now…? Let me explain…

This is how my job works. I teach or rather tutor English as a second language to mostly Arabic students who have trouble with English. Every week I get scheduled a certain amount of hours based on my availability. Normally I work every working day and sometimes including Saturdays, for two hours. The only day I normally don’t tutor is on Thursdays, because I do about two hours of assessing students for the same employer, which pays a little less per hour, but I already get this money cash.

So far this extra money has not been enough (of course) because that is the level of my mindset when it comes to money.

Now I’ve noticed that last week and next week they gave me less hours to tutor. The hours went down from 12 to 10 to 8 and next week only 7.

Normally these are the thoughts that would go through my head:
-These people are so stingy, they don’t want me to really make any extra money.
-Maybe I should just let them know that I prefer tutoring to doing this extra work, because now end of the day I’ll have the same amount of money every month or maybe just a little more.

To be honest those thoughts came into my mind, but the moment they did I thought, no, YOU are the one creating this. You still have this less-than-enough, just-enough attitude that you are trying to change. And then I remembered the disappointment thing. I need to do some BSFF on that.

I am writing this offline now, because my husband is online and it’s already pretty late here, so I hope I’ll be able to post this message before I get too sleepy.

This is great though. I love it! I love it, because slowly but surely all of my bad habits are surfacing so I can become aware of them and treat them…

Isn’t that wonderful…

The journey continues…

Day 18 on my journey: BSFF vs EFT…!

The second technique that was introduced in Joan’s program is EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). I have heard of EFT before on many occassion, but I always prefered BSFF and still do.

Because I prefered BSFF and Joan said that if you feel resistance to doing anything in the program, you should work on it, I decided to do something about my resistance to EFT. I did a BSFF session on letting go of the resistance and that it was okay that I prefer BSFF. I did this a few days ago. Believe it or not, this morning I woke up and felt like doing some EFT.

EFT involves tapping on certain parts of your face and body, and I just always thought it was to difficult and that I wouldn’t be tapping the right spots, etc. So like I said I felt like giving it a try, so I read the information Joan gives on EFT and did the suggested session.

The setup phrase I used was: “Even though I don’t deserve to be wealthy and I feel that no matter how hard I try I’ll never be wealthy, I deeply and completely love and support myself.” Seasoned EFT’ers know what I mean by setup phrase.

By the way this belief is one that a lot of people with financial problems have. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to improve your finances if you deep down inside belief you don’t deserve to be wealthy, there’s nothing you can do about it, until you release that belief. You can do it with either EFT or BSFF.

Now that I worked on this belief it doesn’t mean I’ll be wealthy tomorrow, it just helps take away any fears of blocks keeping me from being wealthy. I am looking forward to new “wealth” opportunities entering my life, so I can take it from there… so I can move on…

Now a quick comparison between BSFF and EFT:

1. BSFF does not involve tapping, EFT does.
2. With BSFF you use a cue word, with EFT you don’t.
3. I think EFT would work better on physical problems, because it works straight on the body’s energy system and because I once tried it on my eyes feeling really tired and it worked.
4. I think BSFF is easier and I feel I can deal with a lot more in a shorter period of time than with EFT

Don’t get me wrong I have nothing against EFT, especially after the BSFF treatment I did on it, but I still prefer BSFF.

I have read about a lot of successes that were achieved with EFT and for those who like it, it works really well. I tend to believe that a lot more buzz is going around about EFT.

Anyway just see for yourself. For BSFF you can go to the official BSFF site and for EFT you can go to the official EFT site.